If I had been asked this question four years ago, only four years ago I would’ve said yes, no question.
I was in a new relationship, she made me feel like a superstar, like i could do and be anything.
That I was the master of my own destiny.
All good things must come to an end, and end it did. With all the blood sweat and tears you might expect from a long term relationship breakup.
There are multiple views on this subject of which I am grateful to my friends for being guinea pigs in the research and birth of this post. As well as the interaction with those who take the time to send me their views on the subject via instagram and facebook. Most of the women I spoke to between 25 and 30, all agree a man will be who he is and it’s not about bending to his will, or catering to his needs. It is about understanding him as a man. The group of women I spoke to who were younger had a very different view and think that a man should be grateful to be with said women. (Never Neverland will end soon, don’t worry)
Men have varied views too. The Bonnie and Clyde fantasy, the docile prim and proper wife dynamic and so on and so on.
Here is a run down of points I am going to look at:
- The social norm
- What is now acceptable in relationships and what is expected against what is reality
- The Tinder and Instagram effect.
- How these two social media platforms have destroyed the romance of the honeymoon period
- Back in my day
The Social Norm
The first thing I thought of was, is romance dead? A good romance can encourage a man or women to be better for their spouse.
Romance is only dead if you allow yourself to be swept up in the new social norms and social media.
What do i mean by social norms? It is now normal to have Netflix and chill or fuck buddies and not be labelled a player or a slag. It is accepted now that sex is just sex with little or no emotion attached. You don’t really have to make effort. Not to say it is acceptable or that I am GOD’s gift to women, but i can go on Tinder or Instagram, speak to a girl for between 12 -72 hours and be in bed with her with no emotions or feelings attached. I may have just completely cock blocked myself for all eternity, but oh well.
The impact of the Netflix and chill culture has led to a blasé attitude toward exactly what romance is. I was brought up to hold open a door for a lady, treat your woman like a Queen and she will treat you like a King. So on and so on.
Now this can be debated until cows come home, I am sure that the more mature readers of my blog will say that this is still the case.
The year of the women 2018, now this is meant to be a showing of equality and celebration of women. This may be a controversial topic as I always thought women were celebrated and were in many cases above men. Now I am not stupid I am aware women have been held back, persecuted and vilified for years.
But women have always held the keys to a man’s will, drive and desires.
In my adolescence (some will say I’m still in my adolescent stage) the days of MSN and Myspace girls, who slept with multiple men, were known as “jezabel her friends used call her sket behind her back”. (Still a tune)
It was not acceptable then to an extent, it still is not. The empowerment of women and what is now socially normal, is that women can be just like men, sleep with who they want and feel no social persecution. Just as men have had this luxury for generations. Men and Women have become obsessed with a certain lifestyle or image that a couple should have. This co-dependent social media lifestyle that shows everyone else how great they are, when really they sit and watch ITV2 all night and sit on their phones occasionally showing their partner a funny meme or video. You know what I am talking about, the duo who at every opportunity upload a ‘motivational quote’ or show you a his and hers matching tea pot set and the worst of them all…. joint youtube channels.
These relationships that last six months and then you see six months later that their social medias are full of ‘men and ain’t shit’ ‘women ain’t shit’ ‘time for self improvement’ etc etc
Now I have been one of these melts, I am not proud of it but I have been one.
I have been single for two years now and it’s been an up and down two years. It has been an up and down emotional rollercoaster. However, I will say this. I have, as a person, grown to become better and more motivated to succeed. You cannot truly love anyone else until you love yourself. (The irony of this statement does not escape me)
What is now acceptable, what is expected against what is reality.
I previously mentioned that it is now somewhat socially accepted that women can do who they want, when they want, with very few or no social ramifications.
Men however have now come under the social microscope if you will. It seems as though it has come full circle. Men must now be in great physical shape, have good jobs, drive nice cars be a mix of a bad boy with the heart of gold. So on and so on.
This is not a bad thing, I myself have taken measures to improve my health and body image but more for my own personal improvement and well being.
Now the question of whether is that acceptable or not is different. It leads to a false sense of reality we accept as real. Reality TV is a cause of this. Ex on the beach, Geordie Shore etc now have the millennials and iGen/GenZ population feel like this is how they should be. Men as gym junkies with tattoos and the women with lip fillers, fake breasts and toned stomach.
NOW, I am not saying that I, as a red blooded male, do not enjoy all of the above regarding females. Of course I do. If I said otherwise I would be a hypocrite. What I am saying is that these things lead to my generation and the one below me believing that we need to obtain this false pretence, fake lifestyle to be accepted or attractive to the opposite sex.
The tinder and instagram effect.
Likes, emojis, booty/ab pics.
Coinciding with the swipe left movement of casual sex and impersonal interactions.
This leads to the us scrabbling for approval of our peers, with partners that look aesthetically pleasing. Swiping on left on soley looks rather than the what the person can offer you. I am a victim of my own vanity in the past I have only chased females who have all the looks but no substance. It is human nature to look for attractiveness first, we have been conditioned to think this way.
So when thinking does a women make you a better, we (men) think we should all have that spice who looks like she should be a model etc. We tend to not look into it deeper and go on this endless cycle of meaningless relationships and fabricated bipolar behaviours consisting of drugs, alcohol and regrets.
How these two social media platforms have destroyed the honeymoon period
Now this should be taken with a pinch of salt.
Nothing you do now is left untouched by a potential partner they will have their friends look into you, stalk your social media platforms etc etc. I have a vine account I never used sent to me by an ex. Key word being EX. If you, like me, like to update your stories on snapchat (not so much anymore since the change) and instagram etc. The mystery is gone with the learning about your new bae,boo,missus,ole girl,girlfriend/boyfriend whatever you call your significant other.
You know more about them before you meet them now than ever before. It destroys the mystery and joy of getting to know someone falling in love with the person, more so than the idea of the person.
We build up an image in our heads now, much like how we used to build up our heroes and icons to be these great beings. Then you meet them and it is either a let down or they live upto expectations.
This how society has started to look at a potential partner. Gone are the days of going on a string of dates trying to find out about the person making your own mind up and making a decision. Social Media does it for you.
Back in my day
God this makes me feel old. In truth, I am in the hybrid generation, The 3210, msn, myspace generation. The birth of social media and the death of traditional social interactions. Knocking for your friend without notice as to now it’s a whatsapp or facetime.
Now this is where it gets soppy. So, do you remember the time (another great song) when you had a crush at school or college and you wanted to get to know them? That brave step to do it face to face. Going for walks in the park. Yeah me too! I miss those times. Now you DM your crush and move onto the next one, the pressures gone but so has the butterflies, it’s all so impersonal. I’m setting a challenge to all my single readers go out and start a conversation with your crush take that leap of faith, face to face. Try the more intimate touch.
Let me know how you get on and how it made you feel doing so. I can guarantee if they say yes, you will the most excited you have been in a long time for a date.
So does have a GOOD women Really make you a better man???
In my humble opinion yes, but only if the man is ready or already a better version of himself, if he is in a place in life where he is ready to love and cherish a women.
I also think you must find a woman for you, one looking for what you are looking for. Too many times people get together and do not last because there is no substance, just carnal attraction. There is more to a relationship than physical attraction or financial security.
So this is my challenge to you all…. be a better version of yourself and you will already be the perfect partner. This question will become irrelevant.
Thank you all for bearing with me with this post, I know it has been a long time coming.
As I am sure you are all aware by now I am going to be on first dates next week. I will be writing a blog post for this pending approval from Channel Four and First Dates.
A quick thank you to Archie Da Costa for the new logo design.
Follow him on Instagram @archiedacosta
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Peace Love and Soul
Misfit
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